The Let Them Theory: 5 Practical Ways to Heal and Reclaim Your Power with a Trauma Therapist in CT
By Jennifer Laptew Williams, LPC – Trauma Therapist in CT & Founder of Hope & Healing Professional Counseling
A New Way to Release What You Can’t Control
By Jennifer Laptew Williams, LPC – Trauma Therapist in CT & Founder of Hope & Healing Professional Counseling
Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head a hundred times, wishing you had said something differently or that the other person had? Maybe you’ve felt your stomach drop when someone you care about makes a choice you know will hurt them. Or maybe you’ve felt completely drained trying to keep the peace at work or at home.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us, especially those who have lived through trauma spend enormous amounts of energy managing other people’s words, choices, and emotions.
That’s where The Let Them Theory, made popular by Mel Robbins in her book Let Them (2024), can be a game-changer. Robbins writes:
“When people show you who they are, let them.” – Mel Robbins, Let Them
Instead of trying to control, fix, or convince, the Let Them theory invites you to release others to their choices and focus on your own. At first, it can feel strange, passive, or maybe even scary. But when practiced alongside its natural partner, Let Me, it becomes one of the most freeing tools you can add to your healing journey.
As a trauma therapist in CT, I often help clients learn how to balance Let Them with Let Me. This pairing is the secret sauce: Let Them shifts the energy outward, while Let Me reclaims your power and builds resilience within.
Why the Let Them Mindset Helps Trauma Recovery
If you’ve lived through trauma, you may already recognize some of these patterns:
Hypervigilance: constantly scanning for signs of danger in others’ moods or actions
People-pleasing: bending over backwards to keep the peace, even when it hurts you
Over-functioning: managing not just your life, but everyone else’s too
These survival strategies once kept you safe, but over time, they leave you depleted and disconnected from your own needs.
Practicing Let Them and Let Me helps you:
Reduce emotional reactivity
Strengthen healthy boundaries
Create space for healing and rest
Build trust in yourself and your decisions
When you stop pouring energy into controlling others, you can redirect it into healing your nervous system. This is one of the most important steps in trauma recovery.
The “Let Me” Approach: The Other Half of the Equation
Here’s where many people get stuck. If you only focus on Let Them, it can feel like surrender or resignation, or like giving up. That’s why the second half of the practice is equally important: Let Me.
Let me decide what’s right for me
Let me choose my boundaries
Let me invest in my healing
Let me show myself compassion
Let me live a life that feels authentic
Let Them is about release. Let Me is about empowerment. When you bring them together, you stop abandoning yourself and start living with intention.
5 Practical Ways to Use Let Them and Let Me in Everyday Life
Let’s make this concrete. Here are five practical, relatable ways you can start using this approach right away.
1. Let them have their opinion, and let me hold my truth
Real-life example: Your family says, “Therapy is just for people who can’t handle life.” Let them believe what they believe. Let me honor my truth, and remember that therapy is a courageous and powerful investment in my well-being.
Why it matters: You don’t have to debate or convince others. By holding onto your truth, you strengthen self-trust and reduce emotional exhaustion.
How to practice today: The next time you feel invalidated, silently remind yourself: “That’s theirs. This is mine.”
2. Let them react, and let me regulate my nervous system
Real-life example: You decline a party invite and your friend gets upset. Let them feel their disappointment. Let me breathe deeply, notice my body, and regulate my emotions instead of apologizing excessively or overexplaining.
Why it matters: Trauma often teaches us to jump in and fix others’ emotions. This practice builds your capacity to stay grounded and safe in your own body.
How to practice today: The next time someone reacts strongly and you feel your body tense, pause and put your hand on your chest or stomach. Take three slow breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Silently say to yourself: “Their feelings are theirs. I’m safe.” This quick reset calms your nervous system and helps you stay grounded without rushing to fix their reaction. You can also try a grounding exercise, like naming five things you see, four you feel, three you hear when someone reacts strongly to you.
3. Let them make their choices, and let me make healthy ones for me
Real-life example: Your sibling spends recklessly and asks to borrow money again. Let them handle their finances. Let me protect my financial stability by saying “no” with compassion.
Why it matters: Healthy boundaries keep you safe both emotionally, financially, and physically. You can care without carrying the emotional baggage or burden.
How to practice today: Before saying yes to something, pause and ask: “Does this align with my needs and values?” You can also ask yourself “Who am I doing this for?” Then reflect on your answers and then act with intention.
4. Let them set their boundaries, and let me honor mine
Real-life example: A coworker doesn’t want to talk about personal matters at work. Let them keep that limit. Let me ask for clarity on deadlines or take a quiet lunch when I need it.
Why it matters: Respecting others’ boundaries teaches you how to expect the same respect in return. This creates healthier, safer relationships.
How to practice today: Write down three boundaries you need to honor for yourself and one way you’ll communicate them clearly.
5. Let them live their life, and let me live fully in mine
Real-life example: A friend moves away suddenly without telling you. Let them choose their journey. Let me pour my energy into building my own meaningful relationships and exploring what brings me joy.
Why it matters: Releasing control frees you to focus on what matters most, living fully, instead of living through others.
How to practice today: Identify one place where you’re over-involved in someone else’s choices. Redirect that energy toward something nourishing, like therapy, journaling, or a hobby.
When Let Them Feels Hard: Healing Emotional Triggers
Of course, “letting them” isn’t always easy. If you’ve experienced betrayal, neglect, or abuse, your brain might interpret letting go as dangerous. In these cases, triggers can feel overwhelming.
Therapy can help you:
Explore why certain situations feel threatening
Reframe letting go as self-protection instead of abandonment
Strengthen your Let Me so you feel more secure in your own choices
This is where working with a trauma therapist in CT makes a difference; you don’t have to navigate these patterns alone.
How a Trauma Therapist in CT Can Support Your Journey
Living out Let Them and Let Me is easier with support. As a trauma therapist in Connecticut, I can help you:
Notice where you’re giving away emotional power
Learn regulation skills for high-stress moments
Build the confidence to practice new boundaries
Find freedom from people-pleasing and over-functioning
👉 Learn more about trauma therapy in Connecticut
Finding the Right Trauma Therapist in CT to Guide You
If you’re curious about how these tools could fit into your life, therapy may be the next step. Together, we can create a space where you can explore old patterns, practice new skills, and experience the peace that comes from focusing on what you can control.
👉 Contact me today to schedule your free 15-minute consultation.
Take the Next Step Toward Healing
The Let Them theory isn’t about giving up, it’s about giving yourself back. And when you add Let Me into the mix, you stop abandoning yourself and start building a life that feels both peaceful and empowering.
If you’re ready to stop overthinking, overextending, and over-functioning and instead live with clarity, calm, and confidence, I’d love to walk alongside you.
👉 Schedule your free consultation now and take your first step toward healing.
10 Frequently Asked Questions about the Let Them Theory and Trauma Therapy in CT
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The Let Them Theory, introduced by author and motivational speaker Mel Robbins in her book Let Them, is the idea of letting people make their own choices, good or bad without trying to control or fix them. As a trauma therapist in CT, I help clients pair this with the “Let Me” approach, which focuses on reclaiming personal empowerment.
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For trauma survivors, the Let Them Theory reduces the pressure to anticipate or manage other people’s emotions. This helps calm hypervigilance, build emotional boundaries, and restore nervous system balance.
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Let Me is the companion mindset to Let Them. It means focusing on what’s in your control, your choices, your boundaries, your healing, and your compassion for yourself. The two together create a healthier, more balanced approach to relationships.
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Yes. As a trauma therapist in Connecticut, I guide clients in learning practical tools to regulate their nervous system, build boundaries, and shift from over-functioning in relationships to living in alignment with their own needs and values.
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Not at all. Letting them doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you accept that their choices are theirs, not yours to carry. When paired with Let Me, you actively reclaim your time, energy, and peace.
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If you’ve experienced betrayal, neglect, or trauma, letting go can trigger feelings of danger or abandonment. That’s why support from a therapist can be so valuable; it helps you reframe letting go as self-protection instead of giving up.
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If you often feel resentful, exhausted, or guilty for saying “no,” chances are your boundaries need attention. Therapy can help you practice saying no with confidence and compassion, which is a key part of the Let Me approach.
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Yes. By releasing control and focusing on yourself, you reduce conflict and build healthier dynamics. Relationships thrive when both people are allowed to be themselves, and when both practice clear boundaries.
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Letting someone make their choices doesn’t mean tolerating harm. In those situations, Let Me means protecting yourself by setting firm boundaries, seeking support, or leaving unsafe situations.
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If you’re ready to explore how the Let Them and Let Me practices can bring peace and empowerment into your life, contact me today. I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss how therapy can support your journey.